The Fight Decoder Toolkit
The Fight Decoder Toolkit is a practical couples communication workbook designed to help partners understand what’s really happening underneath recurring arguments. Through 10 guided modules, couples learn how to identify triggers, recognize conflict patterns, de-escalate tense conversations, repair after disagreements, and build stronger connection between fights.
Details
The Fight Decoder Toolkit
If you keep having the same arguments but never seem to solve the real problem underneath them, this workbook is designed to help you understand what is actually happening.
The Fight Decoder Toolkit is a guided couples communication workbook with 10 structured modules focused on recurring conflict, emotional triggers, communication patterns, de-escalation, repair, and reconnection. It draws from Gottman Method Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Internal Family Systems concepts.
What’s Inside
- The Fight Decoder Worksheet
- Emotional Trigger Finder
- Conflict Script Match-Up
- Conflict Reset Worksheet
- The Pause Method
- 50 Conversation Starters for Couples
- The Repair Checklist
- Weekly Relationship Temperature Check
- Emergency Conflict Guide
- Extra worksheets for continued practice
This workbook helps couples move from awareness to skill-building and then into practice. Each module focuses on a specific relationship challenge and gives both partners concrete tools they can use together.
You’ll learn how to:
- Separate the surface argument from the deeper emotional need
- Recognize personal triggers before they take over
- Identify your default conflict style
- Interrupt patterns such as pursuing, withdrawing, criticizing, defending, or escalating
- Take a structured pause when either partner becomes emotionally flooded
- Repair after conflict without restarting the argument
- Build more connection between disagreements
- Track the health of your relationship over time
The Fight Decoder Toolkit is designed to be used together, at your own pace. Some couples may complete one module each week, while others may move faster or slower depending on what feels most useful. The Fight Decoder Toolkit - Fil…
Created by Robert M. Tierney, M.Ed., LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in couples therapy and relationship conflict resolution.
This workbook is an educational resource and a supplement to professional therapy. It is not a substitute for individualized mental health treatment.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this workbook only for couples who are in therapy?
No. The Fight Decoder Toolkit can be used on its own or alongside couples therapy. It is designed for couples who want structured tools to better understand conflict and practice healthier ways of communicating.
What kinds of relationship problems does it address?
The workbook focuses on recurring arguments, emotional triggers, communication breakdowns, pursue-withdraw patterns, escalation, emotional flooding, difficulty repairing after fights, and loss of connection.
What is included in the workbook?
The toolkit includes 10 modules with worksheets, reflection prompts, communication scripts, check-ins, a structured pause method, 50 conversation starters, a repair checklist, weekly relationship temperature checks, and an emergency conflict guide.